Some Truth

One thing I hate having done to me is people quoting me back to me. Sometimes this is because I laugh at my own words and at the fact that someone has actually listened to them and taken them on board. Other times it's because I realise how comforting my own words can be and take pride in another person realising how comforting they are, using them for their own comfort, and then saying them to me to comfort me.

Every blog entry (bar one because I got eaten by a monster in that blog) ends with the words "Stay Strong".  I seem to be using this more and more in every day life to others and to myself, and others are using it.  It's easy to forget how great and special we all are. Every life is unique... and brilliant. YOU are brilliant and fantastic and amazing and... the list is endless.

I know that "Stay Strong" can mean a lot of different things, but I thought I'd give an insight into why I say it.  I started blogging because I needed a way to express myself. My thoughts, feelings and emotions.  This is really hard to do when you want to say things to specific people whilst keeping in mind that there are people who read online blogs who have no idea who you are. I'm finding myself to be at the lowest point in my life yet, in a way, I feel good about life. I feel the most alone that I ever have, yet I find myself having the best friend imaginable and a great group of friends and people I can talk to.  I have huge swings between being this over-confident guy who'd talk anything to this guy who practically given up on being successful in any aspect of life.  I seem to be a person who helps others, just not himself.

I could never do something for me, not even the smallest thing. Even making tea. I have to make tea for a group of people, not just myself. I live to impress others.  My biggest fear is not not being able to pass exams, not getting through a good university or not getting a decent job. Those things don't matter to me. My biggest fear is not having someone to impress, to want to impress. Someone who I can dedicate my life to, and everything that I do.  It is then that I'd care about getting a well paid job and being successful, but not for me, for them.

I guess that I should listen to me more, and you should do the same.  Read back on things you have written, remember conversations. You might just learn something from yourself. We learn from our own mistakes, but we also learn from our successes.

That's all I'm going to say right now because I'm not feeling my best (I am actually ill) and I'm not sure what else I can say. So...

Stay Strong
Michael