Part 1
I just wanted to say that blogs might be few and far between in the coming months. Most of this is due to exams and me having to focus on revising for the multitude of maths exams that I have to sit, but also partly because I don't have much to say, certainly not at the moment.I've always wanted my blog to express me, to express what I think and feel about the world, but I find myself struggling to express myself in the real world, let alone in a written blog. A lot of what I'm thinking about is way too personal for a public blog and, to be honest, I'm not making much sense of it and have internal battles to fight before I do make sense of them.
I've also wanted my blog to entertain, but I really doubt that I am doing. I'm not entertaining anyone at the moment. My music writing has dried up and whenever I try to do anything creative, I lose the heart. I've always said that creative things have to come from the heart, but I guess that I don't know where my heart lies right now.
I like to impress people, and to impress myself... but I'm not. I'm not proud of who I've become. I'm throwing work away because I'm not proud of it. Parts of me have never been better. I relate to different emotions much more clearly and can portray them, and I like the idea of that. But a huge part of me feels alone and empty and I need some time to work out what it is I'm missing. I think I know, but if it is what I think it is then it's no way near fixable as easy as I'd like it to be. I guess that I'm just not good enough, even though people say that I am. To contradict myself and all my previous messages, the words are meaningless.
Part 2
As I have mentioned a little bit already, I am taking a revision break. I really need to get my head down for these exams and so, I'm cutting a lot of things out of my life, some of which really represent me. I shall be a robot for the next few months.The advice I want to give is about revision. Everyone has different ways of revising. I know that I'm an 'active' reviser meaning that I have to have a short term goal for each revision sessions. Reading a textbook doesn't work for me. I need to create flash cards, answer questions and, if I do need to just read things, go for a walk. Walks are very refreshing and I much prefer reading on the move than just in my room. I have to be active and hands on in everything I do. Actively doing something, even making mistakes, is much more helpful than reading about how to do it.
Try out your own ways of revising. I find a different way for each subject helps, but that's easier said than done if you have a large number of subjects that you need to revise for. In that case, may I suggest different locations? Sometimes remembering a location as part of your revision helps, say if you did History in the garden and then Biology in the living room. I'm a firm believe of locational memory... I've spoken about that in the past.
Part 3
My little message is, don't forget me. I'm still around and human if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm still contactable in the normal ways, although watch out if you contact me on my mobile phone as a) it's not really working very well and, b) I might be getting a new one with a new number but I shall tell you if that is the case.No doubt I'll be back with a blog or two whilst I'm still revising. I'm just scared of sharing anything too personal that might upset people or make situations worse.
Stay Strong
Michael
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