Complexities, Cups and Comfort

Decisions are a complex thing to make.  I think our human nature makes these things difficult, but that's natural. We all want things for ourselves yet at the same time we don't want to tread on others toes... to hurt other people.

I've come to a decision because I'm hurting many people. I'm hurting friends, family, me and, above all, the one person I don't want to be hurting, so I need to move on.  I'm not going to lie, the last few months have been hell for me but, would I change them for the world? Probably not. I've learned a lot about me and who I am as a person. I've discovered new things about me, some of which I will embrace, others that I will look towards changing.

There's a reason why things are happening to me right now, that's what I believe. They will make me stronger, more caring and an all round better person in the future. I just need to give things a little space and time. "For the greater good" and all that.

On my email I have a status because I use Gmail and you can do that apparently.  It currently stands, and has done for a while, as:  

"Take this cup away from me, for I don't want to taste its poison".  

This is a quote from "Jesus Christ, Superstar" as Jesus sings to God about not wanting to have to die, because he doesn't want to. I can't recall exactly why or when I put it up there but I feel like this now. I don't want to make this decision, but I am going to because it's for the best for all parties, even for me in the long run. So, that status is going to change to a quote later on in the song, when Jesus finally agrees that he needs to die:

"I will drink your cup of poison. Nail me to your cross and break me, bleed me, beat me, kill me. Take me now before I change my mind."

God help whoever has me on their Gmail and needs to click to see that...

I thought I should leave a little message at the end here, a message of comfort and support.  For those who don't know, I have started writing a musical and it is something that I wish to continue doing and eventually finish.  I've been writing some of the music recently and one of the songs is nearly finished and, looking back at it, it's near enough a song about me. A song about how I feel so, I thought I should leave a quote from it as a comfort:

"There's always someone more caring or clever, but I'll be a shoulder to cry on whenever you need it"

Stay Strong

Michael